Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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