cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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