I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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