Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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