His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
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Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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