We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
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you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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