i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
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The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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