just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize