You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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