had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
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Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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