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I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
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