No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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