connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize