I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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