So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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