one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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