My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
FUCK WHALES
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