My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize