if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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