Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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