Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize