So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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