dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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