I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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