half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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