Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
These tits shall not be calmed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize