ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
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I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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