At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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