I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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