I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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