Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize