I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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