she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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