and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
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Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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