I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
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'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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