I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
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bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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