His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish you could order shots online.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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