Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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