Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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