people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize