this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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