I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize