It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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