You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize