Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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