Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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