Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize