Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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