Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize