Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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