Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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I just googled if crying burns calories
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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